I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
