Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
