the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
