they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
