My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you have to choose: penises or morals?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
