my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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