She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
