how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
