Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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