Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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