He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Randomize
