If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
