somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
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