Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
