Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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