Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
