Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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