R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
