Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
