ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
the condom got lost in my hair
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
