So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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