I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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