So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
