I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize
