So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
