Ambien. No doubt about it.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
