Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
