he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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