she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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