you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Randomize
