just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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