You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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