im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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