I met the friendliest cop last night
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
