So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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