haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
