If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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