I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
