she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
