dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
