you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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