I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
