Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
