Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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