I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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