so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
did i just pee glitter
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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