I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
