I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You are a genius and a whore.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
