I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
