my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
