Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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