Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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